Turns out I’m learning yet again to not say “never” about anything. I swore I would never write this post because…well, I had several good reasons. All of them based on some kind of adversarial relationship with my mother. I’m finding now that I simply don’t care anymore. I don’t wish my mother any ill. In fact, I wish very much that she could find peace and happiness as I have.
I don’t hate my mother, nor am I angry with her. Those feelings have been dealt with and dealt with and dealt with – hey, I get my money’s worth from therapy, okay? But being able to put aside my anger and to find forgiveness is NOT the same as being willing to open our lives to what I feel is hurtful, unhealthy behavior. I mean, I can understand a rattlesnake can’t help its nature, but that doesn’t mean I have to give that snake a place in our lives.
The examples I gave in my earlier post are a few of the reasons I chose to keep my children out of harm’s way, despite the pain of losing my mother, my aunts, my sister. As for the things between my mother and me? Those things are in the past, and I have no need to rehash those old feelings. But I DO feel I have a duty to protect my children from experiencing similar hurts. And that’s what I’m doing.
I wanted to explain a little more and to thank each and every one of you who commented. My own self-doubt eats at me every now and then, so it was really good to know that other people would choose the same way.
I’ve turned the comments off for this post…mostly because I’m not ready to have a discussion about this, much less any sort of debate. And I promise that tomorrow will be way more awesome and funny than today was. (Wednesdays with Tricia. That’s always awesome, people. Srsly, go look in the archives if you don’t believe me.)
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