So, I’ve always prided myself on liking my kids as people. Yeah, yeah, every mom will shiv a bitch for her kids, but I mean, I really dig my kids as human beings. They’re people I’d hang out with even if I hadn’t given birth to them. Well, they WERE.
Lately, something’s been going on with Lenna and me. I don’t like hanging out with her. I don’t like the person I see her becoming. To be honest, y’all, she’s getting to be an uppity little thang. And everything is an argument. Or a competition. But only with me. With her daddy, she’s sweetness and light and pure goodness. Okay, not really, but she really is saving all her special brand of joy for me lately. And I’m not sure why.
When she gets competitive about things, I simply ignore it. She’s my daughter, not a competitor. If she’s better than me in everything in the whole wide world, GOOD. That’s what I want for my kids – to surpass me. When she argues, I tell her to stop arguing, then I ignore further argument. When a discussion is done, it’s done. Respect for her opinions only goes so far; I AM still the parent here. But I’m not an asshole about it. Well, no more than any parent who’s being a parent is an asshole.
And I get that she’s almost nine and going through crazy changes and trying to figure out who she is and how she fits in. AND she’s a middle child who had gotten very used to being the baby of the family. So I get that she needs some extra love and attention. I do what I can to make that happen. I listen to her stories about school. I ask questions about the latest social dramas. Etc, etc, etc.
And I still feel like I’m not getting anywhere closer to recovering our relationship. And I gotta tell y’all – this fucking hurts. Lenna has always been the child to whom I felt I could relate the best. I felt like I really “got” her and vice versa. Lately, not so much. And I am desperate to like her again. And for her to like me again. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t want to be her friend. I’m her MOTHER. But it would be nice if we could like each other.
Am I dreaming an impossible dream? Will we get over this? What can I do to make things better? Help me out here, y’all. I’m truly lost.
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