I phoned it in yesterday, y’all. I admit it. That’s my bad, but I’m fixing it today. Honest.
Y’all know that I will tell you every detail of my life. I am, however, aware that this makes me a bit of an oddity among my friends. Since I didn’t ask for permission to post folks’ names, I’m going to just use initials. Y’all will live, right?
G = Missy’s husband
K = Missy’s cousin
J = K’s husband
L = Missy’s mom
R = Missy’s dad
S = Missy’s brother
Now that you’ve been “introduced” to the major players, on to my post. I’m going to skip a good bit because listening to someone give every detail of a trip is excruciatingly boring for me, and I’m guessing I’m not alone in that.
When I finally arrived in ZOMGTB, Missy and I headed to some of her favorite places. First was a local market that had more organic shit in its small space than I’ve seen in any six super sized grocery stores here. Crazy, but also impressive.
Next was another local grocery store where we got what Missy said was bacon, but I have to tell y’all, no self-respecting Southerner would ever use it. Again, though, I think that’s likely because it appears those folks in ZOMGTB actually give a shit about eating stuff that won’t kill you by the time you’re 50. Seriously, y’all, it was like Whole Foods off in those stores. My Dixie tail was a little afraid of all that healthy stuff. And not one tub of lard in sight! No, really! Crazy…and impressive.
After we went grocery shopping, we headed to an orchard to get cider doughnuts. Imagine our chagrin when we pulled up at 5:42 and saw that the damn place closed at 5:30. Twelve minutes, y’all. I missed cider doughnuts by TWELVE FUCKING MINUTES. However, Missy made a decision that we’d go to the local grinder place to make up for missing the doughnuts. (For y’all Southerners, a grinder is a sub. For y’all Midwesterners, a grinder is a hoagie.)
OMG, y’all, this place understood how to make a sandwich. The sammies were HUGE, first of all, but that was secondary to how freaking good they tasted. I had a meatball sub that made me feel like I might have become a little Italian just by consuming it. Good shit, y’all, for real.
After that, it was back to Missy’s house to meet G. I was super-nervous because I’d never met him, and hello? I’m a big, loud, ADD-addled wiseass. I know it’s going to come as a shock to y’all, but people don’t always love me. (I know – it’s hard for me to believe, too.) So I was freaking out completely. Turns out, G is a nice guy who can tolerate damn near anyone. Which is good for me since he can totally put the kibosh on Missy and I hanging out.
Also? G is like the super handyman. For real. That night, he just whipped up a stair for the side door. No, seriously. He was all, “Yeah, I’m going to go build a step” like he was going to make a fucking PB&J, y’all! Crazy shit.
Anyway, Friday night I got to meet K and J. I’m pretty sure K should be my other BFF in ZOMGTB. J is equally as fabulous. He is a genuinely nice guy. And the two of them are so fucking cute as a couple that I might have to hate them if I didn’t like them so damn much. They were awesome.
Saturday comes, and we go get cider doughnuts from the orchard. If you’ve never had one, I highly recommend you find an orchard right now. RIGHT. NOW. I’ll wait. Yeah. Good shit, right? I know!
Anyway, after that I got to meet Missy’s mom, dad and brother. (And her brother’s girlfriend who was adorable and so, so nervous about meeting the family. TOO CUTE!!) L gave me the biggest hug ever and then put my ass to work which made me feel more at home and welcomed than anything else she could have done. I have so much love for Missy’s mom, y’all. She’s one of my tribe. Srsly.
Missy’s dad is the quiet type, but you want to listen because when he does talk, it’s always good shit to hear. And? He’s hilarious. So is Missy’s brother. OMG! This is an exchange that had me howling with laughter.
S: We’re going to smoke.
S’ girl: You’re going to smoke in the rain?
S: Why not? I sing and dance in the rain.
Fucking awesome, right?
The reception itself was jam-packed. People just kept arriving. I was like, “Damn, is all of ZOMGTB going to be here?!” It was fabulous, and I have to admit, I might have lost some of my prejudice about Yankees while I was there. Everyone at the reception was absolutely friendly and chatty. It might help that Missy and G provided enough booze to get an army drunk, but let’s pretend it was my charm and warmth, okay?
On Sunday, I hung out while Missy and G cleaned up the aftermath. Then I had to leave. I was the saddest clown ever. I had so much fun, and I’m dying to go back, like, RIGHT NOW. Except I think they have snow, and I can do without that shit. For real. Hee.
Once again, Missy, thank you so, so much for inviting me and hosting my ass and every other thing you did for me last weekend. It was absolutely amazing. <3
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