I have to admit, when I saw spice cake wining in the poll, I was a little scared it might win. I was rooting for chocolate cream pie because…well, because I’d planned on making it anyway. See, we’re having two Thanksgivings – one this weekend while Becky (my SIL) is here, and then another on Thanksgiving Day. Now I wouldn’t have minded making the spice cake, but I’m glad y’all wound up picking something I was making anyway. Laziness, thy name is Steph.
Anyway, on to the pie, shall we? Wait. Before we even get started, let me acknowledge that I did NOT make my own pie crust. Frankly, Mrs. Smith’s pie crusts are just as good as mine. Now I’m working on my pie crust skillz, but until those are perfected, I’m going with Mrs. Smith, okay? Don’t judge me.
Ingredients:
1 1/2 c. sugar
1/2 t. salt
2 1/2 T. cornstarch
1 T. flour
3 c. milk
3 oz. unsweetened chocolate
3 egg yolks, slightly beaten
1 T. butter
1 1/2 t. vanilla
The players:
Poor butter – I totally forgot to include it in this pic. DOH!
Combine sugar, salt, cornstarch and flour in medium saucepan.
You don’t need the burner on yet, by the way.
Gradually stir in the milk and chocolate.
Please use a quality chocolate for this. Don’t get me wrong – Hershey’s is fine most of the time. But even my cheapass goes with Ghirardelli for this pie.
Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until the mixture thickens and boils. Boil one minute.
Y’all remember how tired you got of stirring the no bake cookie mixture? Yeah, you’re going to be even more tired of stirring this. Like three times as tired of stirring this.
Remove from heat and slowly stir part of mixture in the egg yolks.
SLOOOOWLY stir it in. Otherwise, you’ll scramble the eggs. And while I personally like scrambled eggs, I do NOT like them in pie. You probably won’t, either.
Blend that back into the hot mixture in the saucepan. Boil one minute more, stirring constantly. (Of course. Because no recipe is really complete unless your arm is tired the next day.) Remove from heat and add the vanilla and butter.
Ah, there’s the butter! Hi, butter! We missed you!
Now, you want to cool it, giving it an occasional stir. If you decide to skip this stirring, you’re going to have skin on top of the filling. Some people like that. If you’re not one of them, don’t skip the stirring. Once the filling is cooled, dump it into the (baked but cooled) pie crust.
Look at that glossy goodness. OM NOM NOM!
After all that, put that pie in the fridge and let it cool for at least two hours. Honestly, I’d say leave it in overnight if you want it be perfectly set. After that, cut and eat. Wait. It seems like something’s missing here, doesn’t it? Right. Whipped cream. Note I said “whipped cream”, NOT “Cool Whip” or “ReddiWhip”. WHIPPED. FUCKING. CREAM. Because while a frozen pie crust is okay, Cool Whip is not. Do not profane your hard work with that shit, okay?
What’s that? No one’s ever told you how to make whipped cream? Well, sonuva…alright. It’s easy-peasy. So easy, in fact, I almost didn’t post it. But then I figured there might be someone out there who has no idea how to make whipped cream. Because I used to not know how to make whipped cream. (Again – don’t judge me.)
Ingredients:
1 c. heavy cream
2 T. powdered sugar
1 t. vanilla
Combine all ingredients.
Seriously, just dump it all in there.
Whip until desired consistency.
This is why Baby Jesus blessed us with stand mixers.
Now some gratuitous photos of my littlest rat enjoying the whipped cream.
How jealous are you of this kid? I mean, who DOESN’T want to just faceplant into whipped cream? Sadly, it’s only okay when you’re little.
How cute is this kid? Srsly fucking cute.
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