I hate the Neelys.

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By Steph ⋅ August 6, 2008 ⋅

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Tags: Gosselins, Neelys, Paula Deen, TV

I know. I’m supposed to love them. I’m supposed to feel like they’re this warm, fun, friendly couple, just “down home” folks. I don’t. I feel like he’s more wooden than a ventriloquist’s dummy, and she’s that special kind of insincere gushiness that makes me want to spork myself in the eye. His monotone delivery of little remarks which I think are intended to be racy coupled with her overexuberant, giggly, giddy responses? God. Just please make it stop.

This makes me sad because Paula “Should Adopt Steph” Deen seems to like those Neelys a lot. Normally, I’m down for whatever Paula throws at me because hello? Anyone who loves butter like that has a special place in my black, tarry heart. In this case, though, I wish I could sit down and ask Mama Deen, “Why? For the love of butter and chicken fried steak, WHY?!?”

And since I’m talking about TV people I hate, let’s bring up those ever-discussed Gosselins. I’ve watched Jon & Kate + 8 exactly once. Yeah, yeah, Kate, we get it. You have a ton of fucking kids. It’s really hard to have a ton of fucking kids. Bitch-moan-blah-yadda. Now, STFU and start being just a skosh nicer to your husband already, how ’bout it? I mean, look, I’m not a perfect wife, but jeebus, lady, cut the dude some slack.

Now I almost feel like spouting off about Jim Bob and ~~Misty Mae~~ Michelle Duggar, but I think it’s time for ~~Judgy McJudgerson’s~~ my nap.

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Oh lawd do I hate the Neelys. I get it. You’re married. You have sex. But please, for the love of God and all that is holy - don’t be giving me this forced kitchen foreplay that y’all do every week. Also the wife makes me want to puke. Sorry lady, sunshine DOES NOT shine out of your ass. It shines out of mine. LOLZ.

Additionally the J&K+8 show also bugs the crap out of me because if the intertubes is true…Kate is a huge, faking, lying, money grubbing bitch. She is atrocious to those kids and especially to the husband. And with all the help that she has (that they don’t let you see on TV) she ain’t under that much stress.

Posted by Missy

| August 6, 2008, 2:02 pm

HAHAHAHA…you had me a “spork in my eye.”
I can’t stand either of those shows. All they do is bitch and moan.

Posted by Queen Bee

| August 6, 2008, 2:52 pm

whoa. What just happened. I seriously think I just commented as you uploaded yet another design…twilight zone.
AAAAAA

Posted by Queen Bee

| August 6, 2008, 2:54 pm

ok, you must stop.

Posted by Queen Bee

| August 6, 2008, 2:54 pm

I think I went to school with a Misty Mae…your posts are always hilarious. Does the Duggar woman even have to push anymore? Can she jog or will the kid just slide out? How about a good sneeze?

Posted by Jaci

| August 6, 2008, 2:59 pm

Missy - I am just. fucking. saying. To all of it.

QB - Heh. Just for you, I found a plug-in that lets me “turn off” the site for you guys while I goof around with it.

Jaci - Hee. I wondered in an earlier post why on Earth Misty Mae’s uterus didn’t trail behind her like a weird, meaty train on her floor length skirts.

Posted by Steph

| August 6, 2008, 5:06 pm

Call me innocent, but who are the Neelys? Should I know them from somewhere?

The thing about Kate Gosselin is the cleanliness of her house. She’s always freakin’ out about it and scrubbing something. I can’t handle that, but I watch the show. I can’t help it. And the Duggars make the back of my neck tingle like the door-to-door Jehovah’s Witnesses do. They are just WEIRD and so is their army, I mean family.

Posted by Celeste

| August 6, 2008, 5:52 pm

This.

Yeah, that’s about all I have to say.

Posted by Eden

| August 6, 2008, 6:41 pm

i think i need to start watching shows that are broadcast on something other than abc, cbs, nbc or fox. because i just never know what the hell you’re talking about. (did that sound as bad as the ‘i don’t own a tv’ people? gawd i hope not.)

i do hate the duggars. but the only reason i know about them is because they were on the Today show.

wanna talk about the likes of so you think you can dance?, or wheel of fortune? ‘cuz i got those covered…

Posted by matteroffactmommy

| August 6, 2008, 6:55 pm

I’m a dork who doesn’t know about the neelys. but i always feel so bad about that goesslin hub. it just makes me sad to watch kate beat him up so bad.

Posted by myra

| August 6, 2008, 8:53 pm

did i mention that i love love love the redesign? i bow to your coolness.

Posted by myra

| August 6, 2008, 8:54 pm

lmao… spork yourself in the eye.

that was funnnnNNnny.:)

And *now* I know why I haven’t been hearing from you…I keep forgetting to comment HERE instead of THERE.

I’ll learn.

Posted by tammy

| August 6, 2008, 9:36 pm

Celeste - Re: the Neelys - they’re “new” on the Food Network…which I watch entirely too much.

Re: Jon & Kate - I can’t stand her. I just. can’t. stand. her.

Eden - That? Hrm. I’m confuzzled now. Dammit.

MoFM - Wait ’til the regular season starts, then my ass won’t be doing anything but network TV at night. LOST…House, MD…Heroes…

Myra - Food Network. “Down Home with the Neelys” and “Road Tasted.” They suck. So does Kate. Also, I’m not sure how I feel about the new theme. I like the features, but I’m not so sure about the layout. We’ll see. LOL.

Tammy - I’m terrible about LJ anymore. I rarely, if ever, even sign in these days. Oy. I keep trying to catch up, and I keep staying a week behind. Bleh.

Posted by Steph

| August 7, 2008, 2:47 am

Haven’t seen the Neelys yet. Now don’t have to. AND I love me some Mama Deen. If she adopts you, see if she’ll take me, too.
I think Jon must like Kate’s abuse, because any other man would have smacked her back and said, “See how you like handling these kids by yourself, Attila.”

Posted by Lindsey

| August 7, 2008, 9:36 am

Yep HATE HATE HATE them both. Neelys bore the living crap out of my TV that it turns itself off and do I have any interest in a woman that had 6 babies artificially? Not one iota. Why should I care about you needing to get your nails done and hearing your bitch and moan about your financial struggles because you took fertility drugs and popped out your very own litter? I think TLC is paying you enough for this lame ass show that I feel no sympathy for
you. None whatsoever. I do however feel sorry for Jon for having to deal with you on the daily.

Posted by ayeita

| August 7, 2008, 10:12 am

Lindsey - Re: The Neelys? Yeah, don’t bother. You’ll want to spork someone in the eye. Re: Jon&Kate? I have to concur. Because god*damn, that broad is ugly to him. The part that kills me? He didn’t even want more kids after the twins.

Ayeita - I think that’s what gets me. All this boohoohoo’ing about a choice SHE made - WTF? It’s not like she didn’t know she was going to have a ton of kids, and it’s not like she hasn’t turned the whole thing into a giant cash cow.

Posted by Steph

| August 7, 2008, 2:14 pm

Oh lordy, you had to go and bring up Kate Gosselin. I’m sorry but I can not stand that woman! I think she’s a huge PITA and I keep waiting for her husband to tell her where to go. And FFS, she has someone come and fold her laundry for her! So, she has eight kids…she also has “staff”…yet she still needs someone to fold her effing laundry.

That woman just gets on my nerves something chronic and if I hear another person say how awesome she is, I may just punch that person in the face!

BTW, who are the Neely’s?

Posted by Auds at Barking Mad

| August 7, 2008, 11:00 pm

@Auds at Barking Mad - Don’t be sorry; I think many folks feel like you do about Kate, the hag.

The Neelys are a couple who have a couple of new shows on Food Network. They suck. (The pronoun there could refer to either the Neelys or their show.)

Posted by Steph

| August 8, 2008, 1:07 pm

The Neelys are stupid, arrogant idiots. From what I gather the man fell into wealth and a profession because his family is in the restaurant business. They are boring, and can’t even read scripts with any degree of realism.
This “Road Tasted” show advertisement kills me. When the guy says “So we’re hitting the road”, I want to puke blood.

Posted by Wayne Winkle

| August 26, 2008, 1:01 am

Wayne Winkle - Okay, you outhate me on the Neely thing. ;)

Posted by Steph

| August 26, 2008, 1:39 am

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