Urban Dictionary is educational.

by Steph on July 17, 2008

So, MommyPie is throwing a wicked rad bash for those of us who aren’t attending BlogHer ‘08. Some of us have agreed to write posts on specific topics given by MommPie, some of us have agreed to write posts on topics of our own choosing, and some of us have said, “EFF THE MAN!!” and agreed to write whatever the hell we want whilst carousing drunkenly through this weekend. So it’s kind of going to be exactly like BlogHer ‘08, except with more pajamas and less bullshit. (What? Just sayin’.)

Probably by now you’re wondering WTF any of this has to do with Urban Dictionary being educational, but patience, my poppies, I’m getting to that part. So I agreed to write a post about comment whoring. “How to Comment Whore 101″, if you will. The problem is that I had no idea what comment whoring actually meant. Enter Urban Dictionary.

UD (yes, I am that effin’ lazy that I’m abbreviating) says a comment whore is one of the following:
1. A person on Myspace, Friendster, Downelink, Melo, Livejournal, etc. who IM’s you every .5 seconds reminding you to comment on their new blog.
2. On blogs, a person who posts something for the soul purpose of gaining comments (usually positive) from other users.
3. One who constantly desires comments on their blog or guestbook.
4. A programmer that is obsessed with making comments for each part of the code.

Suddenly, I feel overwhelmed by my choice because I kind of thought comment whoring was what I already do – to wit, go to about a dozen blogs a day leaving comments like a whore hell-bent on spreading commentydiaphilis. (I made that up the other day in MommyPie’s comments. I’m still proud.) I mean, I put my comments with a link to my blog all over the place…just like a pimp with a ho of whom he’s really, really proud.

Don’t get me wrong, I do the other stuff. I’ve IM’d a friend to tell her to go read my latest post. Every effin’ post I write is designed to get comments. I want comments all the time. And oh dear God, I even fit the fourth definition – I’m obsessive about commenting when I’m designing something so I know where the hell to fix things I don’t like.

Given all this, I think maybe I’m going to be okay teaching this class after all. So. Here we go.
“How to Comment Whore 101″…

Just do it.

Class over. Let’s go get wasted by the pool now, kids.
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Vote -1 Vote +1BLOGHERNOT ‘08 Weekend is Here! « Mommy Pie
July 18, 2008 at 5:30 am

{ 40 comments }

1
Vote -1 Vote +1San Diego Momma July 17, 2008 at 9:14 am

Excceeellllent advice.
And I took it.

I’ll meet you by the pool. If you don’t know what I look like, I’m the one with the “Jimi Hendrix” tattoo on my boob.

2
Vote -1 Vote +1mommypie July 17, 2008 at 11:57 am

Did I mention BlogHerNot starts tommorow?? And don’t forget to stop by?? GEORGE CLOONEY will be there. See my latest post!

How’d I do?

BTW, thanks San Diego Momma for the pic.

3
Vote -1 Vote +1d July 17, 2008 at 12:55 pm

I always took a comment whore to be one that comments a lot. Huh.

Thank you Urban Dictionary and Steph.

Have fun at your BlogHer08 bash!! :)

4
Vote -1 Vote +1matteroffactmommy July 17, 2008 at 2:08 pm

i am simply a whore who comments. does that make me a comment whore? anyway.

have a blast at BlogHerNot! i plan on thoroughly enjoying reading all of the comments posted starting tomorrow and through saturday. :)

5
Vote -1 Vote +1Lindsey July 17, 2008 at 2:19 pm

If I didn’t have The Hunt For Canadian Bacon starting on Tuesday, I’d be in the depths of despair about not being at BlogHerNot. As it is, I’ll still have to get drunk after work on Saturday with the gays and pretend they’re you guys.

6
Vote -1 Vote +1Missy July 17, 2008 at 3:08 pm

Is

7
Vote -1 Vote +1Missy July 17, 2008 at 3:08 pm

This

8
Vote -1 Vote +1Missy July 17, 2008 at 3:09 pm

Comment

9
Vote -1 Vote +1Missy July 17, 2008 at 3:09 pm

Whoring

10
Vote -1 Vote +1Missy July 17, 2008 at 3:09 pm

Too?

11
Vote -1 Vote +1Missy July 17, 2008 at 3:10 pm

LAWLZ

12
Vote -1 Vote +1matteroffactmommy July 17, 2008 at 4:33 pm

@ missy– LOL. no, that’s Comment Bogarting.

13
Vote -1 Vote +1Steph July 17, 2008 at 5:55 pm

Deb – It was wicked rad of you to let MommyPie use your photo. :tearwipe:

MommyPie – That was perfect. You get a gold star, you quick study.

d – That’s what I thought, too. But seriously, I’m just a t-total comment whore, and I’m okay with that.

MoFM – You’re not a whore. :P Also? You should post “How to Get People to Come to Your Site and Make Snap Judgments about You as a Person Based on ONE Post”.

Lindsey – But the Hunt for CB will be so, so awesome. Also? The gays will probably have better shoes than me, so really? They’re an acceptable substitute.

Missy – No, that’s “Making Steph $$ because BlogHer Pays Per Impression.” It is also “Hilarious Shit that Made Steph Snort.” hth!

14
Vote -1 Vote +1threeundertwo July 18, 2008 at 7:57 am

http://litandlaundry.blogspot.com/

15
Vote -1 Vote +1ModernSingleMomma July 18, 2008 at 9:13 am

I really would like to meet the “programmer that is obsessed with making comments for each part of the code”— now THAT is a hot comment whore.

I have a thing for techies ;)

And you my, friend, have an awesome blog.

16
Vote -1 Vote +1Steph July 18, 2008 at 9:34 am

threeundertwo – Clearly, my course is effective. HA!!

ModernSingleMomma – You and me both, sister. Hee. Also, thanks! Back atcha. Do you sort of wonder if BlogHerNot is going to make Google Readers everywhere implode? Too…many…blogs…

17
Vote -1 Vote +1The Mom July 18, 2008 at 10:52 am

Thanks for the lesson Steph!

*Cannonball!!!!!!*

18
Vote -1 Vote +1Auds at Barking Mad July 18, 2008 at 11:33 am

Wow so now I know what it’s called, that I have. I’m not just a comment Nazi, but a comment whore. What’s a girl to do with all these titles?

And how is it that I wasn’t even aware of your blog? Have I been living under a rock in a cave in arctic. Hell, even the polar bears knew about you.

Late to the party as always but will be sure to stick around!

19
Vote -1 Vote +1Steph July 18, 2008 at 12:00 pm

The Mom – See, that’s what *I’m talkin’ ’bout!

Auds – Seriously, I was JUST thinking the same thing about YOUR blog. BlogHerNot has been so great for me because hello? Rad blogs galore. I’m a total blog junkie.

20
Vote -1 Vote +1Queen Bee July 18, 2008 at 12:16 pm

I’m with Auds…totally late to the party, but it’s not my party, so I guess I can’t cry…waaa.
Thanks for an awesome lesson today. We’re talking about the same thing…no one will read unless your whore yourself out!

21
Vote -1 Vote +1Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy July 18, 2008 at 1:05 pm

Following

22
Vote -1 Vote +1Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy July 18, 2008 at 1:05 pm

Missy’s

23
Vote -1 Vote +1Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy July 18, 2008 at 1:06 pm

lead and helping you earn “move to San Diego, commute to Oregon $$”

24
Vote -1 Vote +1Steph July 18, 2008 at 1:59 pm

QueenBee – I was reading your post and saying, “Mhm. I have sooo felt like that. She is sooo right.” Then I kept reading other stuff. I’m now a QB junkie. You people with your good blogs, curse you! :shakes fist:

Mel – If I haven’t said it lately, I say it now – I love you more than is probably strictly appropriate.

25
Vote -1 Vote +1Tootsie Farklepants July 18, 2008 at 2:16 pm

Must refrain from Googling “commentydiaphilis” on WebMD. Results may cause me to believe I also have hepatitis and cancer.

26
Vote -1 Vote +1Steph July 18, 2008 at 2:19 pm

Tootsie – This? Made me snort Dr. Pepper. And while I don’t object to doing that on occasion because hello? quick fix of caffeine, I prefer to do it *voluntarily.

27
Vote -1 Vote +1flickrlovr July 18, 2008 at 3:01 pm

Fan-freakin-tabulous. I’m like, 1/2 comment whore, 1/2 blog stalkah lovah.

28
Vote -1 Vote +1Foolery July 18, 2008 at 4:21 pm

First-time reader, first-time commenter, Dave. My favorite Comment Whore Comments are like the Mommy Pie one above. I actually saw one on Bossy — BOSSY! — once that said, “Hey, when you all get bored here at Bossy, come on over to MY blog for a giveaway!”

Are you kidding me?

I think I’m less a Comment Whore than a Comment Scourge. Sorry, I just did it to you, too. : )

29
Vote -1 Vote +1Queen Bee July 18, 2008 at 5:05 pm

awww, thanks! I’ll try to write more…not going to lie, I LOVE fans! :) Don’t worry, I’m a huge fan of yours too!
You made my day!

30
Vote -1 Vote +1Renee July 18, 2008 at 5:18 pm

This is too funny, but excellent advice. I am going to use it.

31
Vote -1 Vote +1LaRue July 18, 2008 at 5:27 pm

I think I am “Pillowcase Whoring.” Send out enough pillowcases that people will eventually feel guilted into reading your blog. Or something.

32
Vote -1 Vote +1McMommy July 18, 2008 at 5:58 pm

This was my kind of class!!! Short, sweet, and to the point!

See ya at the pool!! Did you hear they have a swim-up bar?!?

33
Vote -1 Vote +1This mom July 18, 2008 at 6:02 pm

SO is there something that is a step down from a Comment Whore. As a newbie I don’t want to be a slut, I mean whore, right off the bat.

34
Vote -1 Vote +1Steph July 18, 2008 at 7:03 pm

flickrlovr – We’re going to get along juuuust fine, I think.

Dave – Sometimes, I wish I had the chutzpah to go comment on Dooce’s blog with something like that. Then again, I don’t know if I could deal with the Doocearmy that would descend upon me like locusts.

At any rate, thanks for stopping by and commenting. Come back and do that again. I don’t bite. Well, except that one time that I chomped on Cary, but it was his fault really.

Queen Bee – WOO! More writing! Also? I love fans, too…mostly because I always get really, really bitchin’ ones. :)

Renee – One piece of advice? Include a link to your blog!! How am I supposed to stalk find you if you leave no link?!

LaRue – This approach probably works pretty well, but I’m guessing your blog’s title gets you a lot of freakin’ traffic. Heh.

McMommy – I’m all about a long, winding road that ends abruptly. At a swim-up bar.

This mom – Yes. You can be all subtle as suggested in this post. But really, it’s like anything else – it just takes the one time before your rep is completely ruined. ;)

35
Vote -1 Vote +1MommyTime July 18, 2008 at 7:34 pm

I was going to live a whorish little comment like “This post is AWESOME! — Come check out my great advice on…” with like 20 links to completely brilliant posts of mine that will no doubt knock your socks off. Only I couldn’t think of any posts to link to. So here I am leaving a dumb ass comment instead of leaving a witty one that shows that I get what it means to be a comment ho, but that I am not one in real life, just play one on TV (or on this blog for laughs, or whatever). So. Hmmm… I’m glad you already read my post on writing tips because otherwise you would think I was a total imbecile. But, honestly, I love this. And I can’t wait to read more here now. So happy to meet you (and can’t believe I’ve never been here before!) Whee and hooray for BlogHerNot.

36
Vote -1 Vote +1Steph July 18, 2008 at 7:37 pm

MommyTime – You have at least 20 links. I spent a big part of the day reading your blog. My kids now think Cheez-Its are a meal, but it’ll be okay.

And yes, HOORAY for BlogHerNot!! (Also, because I’m a TOTAL comment whore/stalker, Twitter. Me. You. We should be friends.)

I’m so subtle.

37
Vote -1 Vote +1bikerchick July 18, 2008 at 8:08 pm

Teacher, teacher! Over here! Call on me!

(I have a question. Seriously. Put down your drink for a minute.)

Why is the end goal of comment whoring to rack up the commento-meter? Why aren’t the the traffic stats enough? Duh one is public and one is not; I get that.

Can I have a minute with you after class, please?

38
Vote -1 Vote +1Steph July 18, 2008 at 8:14 pm

bikerchick – You’ve totally got it. Although I admit to being more of the “I’m going to go subscribe to every effing blog I read that’s worth a shit, and I will also comment regularly because I have a big yap that I can’t shut” comment whore type, rather than the “PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, COMMENT ON MY BLOG” type. So for me, traffic is pretty much enough. :grin:

And you can have 20 minutes with me, if you want – it’d be worth that for the fact that the type of biker chick I thought of is not the type of biker chick in your photo. I dig surprises like that.

39
Vote -1 Vote +1bejewell July 18, 2008 at 11:01 pm

How much do I love that you say “to wit”?

THIIIIIIISSSS MUCH.

40
Vote -1 Vote +1Steph July 18, 2008 at 11:28 pm

Bejewell – Heh. As much as I love the fact that you had no idea what Technorati authority meant but yours is 40?

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