Sometimes, this phrase is good. It’s a reminder that I’m in the driver’s seat. It’s what I’ve told myself about getting off cigarettes. It’s what I’ve told myself about losing weight. It’s what I’ve told myself about the x365 series. It’s the phrase that reminds me that the only person making choices to do (or not do) things is me. I’m responsible.
Sometimes, this phrase is not so good. When I do fail (or even have a slip), it’s a reminder that I’m weak and pathetic and lame. It says, “Well, you might as well go on and do whatever you want since you’ve already failed.” It is an excuse to not even bother to try since I know, at some point, I will very likely fail make a mistake.
Maybe the problem here isn’t that particular phrase so much as it’s my view of what it means to fail. Is having Sonic for dinner one night really failure? Is not using my elliptical one day really failure? Is a decision to change my quit date a failure? My answer to this is, “Yes. These are failures.” I use that answer to give up completely rather than face failing again.
I’ve come to a realization, though. One lapse, one slip, one mistake is not a failure. It’s simply one lapse or one slip or one mistake. The point is not to be perfect every single moment of every single day. The point is to be perfectly trying every single moment, every single day.
Those AA folks are pretty wise folks - one day at a time, my friends.
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4 responses so far ↓
1 d // Apr 18, 2008 at 3:29 pm
That’s true. And thank you for posting that. Because, as you know, I’m in the same “You fucked up once on this shit, therefore you FAIL AT LIFE!” and then I quit what I was doing. Instead of viewing it as a simple mistake or slip, I see it as an excuse to not finish what I’ve started because I fucked it up.
Learning from the fuck up is better than using it as an excuse to quit. And sometimes I take it even further than one day at a time (LOL about the pic). I take it down to one moment at time if I need to.
Like today…digging in the dirt. One chunk at a time instead of “ZOMG!! LOOK AT ALL THIS OTHER STUFF I STILL HAVE TO DIG!!!”
It’s hard though. But I’m glad I’m not the only one that feels like that.
2 Steph // Apr 18, 2008 at 5:19 pm
d - Yeah, a lot of times it’s one moment at a time for me, too.
3 Jane // Apr 19, 2008 at 12:54 am
Re: the dieting, anyway, you have to eat at least a couple times a day for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. If going to Sonic on occasion is a failure, even if you’re trying to lose weight or be more healthy or whatever the goal, well, Jesus H, I don’t wanna be right. Give yourself more leeway and more time — and allow yourself the pleasure (occasionally) of what you want/crave. I try to tell myself “It’s a marathon, not a daggone sprint!”
Re: Smoking. Well, I just can’t give advice there as I’m right there with you. I smoke, I want to quit but not the actual smoking part, because *that I like.
Re: piddly stuff — beat yourself up about not keeping up with something you decided was a good daily project? Bah. Come on, Steph!!
4 Steph // Apr 19, 2008 at 11:00 am
Jane - I know. Well, except the part about x365. That’s not piddly to me. It’s something I want to do very, very much, and there’s no reason for me to NOT do it, other than sheer laziness.
I think of myself as a writer, and this? Is something writers should do. It’s challenging without being impossible. It forces me to actually *think about what I’m writing, instead of just vomiting out whatever is in my head, y’know?
Of every project I’ve ever started, x365 is the one I predict I will actually finish.