Let me tell you something about smokers, having been one myself and all.
They’re not complete morons, just drug addicts. They know how much money they’re throwing away on smokes. They know what they’re doing to their health. They know that the habit is filthy and disgusting. You pointing all of this stuff out is likely to piss them off more than it’s going to give them incentive to quit. Also, if they’re anything like me, it’ll make them want a cigarette even more, just to let you know that you can’t make them do a damn thing.
When they finally decide that they’ve had enough, let that be their decision. Don’t give them all the reasons why quitting is great and how quitting is going to make their lives better. They. Know. This. Stuff. Again - they’re not complete morons, just drug addicts. You can tell them you’re proud, that you will help them whatever way you can, etc. But keep in mind, this decision is THEIRS, made for THEIR reasons - the only person who needs to believe those reasons is the person who’s quitting. Whatever reasons YOU have for wanting them to quit mean nothing since you can’t bear this burden for them.
During the withdrawal period, assume that the former smoker is suffering. Now is not the time for you to preach about the joys of smoke-free life. They’re not hearing it or feeling it. Instead, tell them you’re proud, tell them they smell good, tell them they’re way hotter, whatever. Also, don’t avoid asking how it’s going - I promise a smoker is already thinking about smoking. You asking isn’t going to “make” the thought cross their mind - the thought’s there.
Mostly, just don’t be an insensitive assface during this time - a smoker who quits is a drug addict who’s going off their drug. Right now, it’s about them and how they deal with that…not you and how you want to help them deal with that. Keep that in mind and you’ll be okay.
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12 responses so far ↓
1 d // Apr 3, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Thank you for posting this so that I know WHAT NOT TO DO.
2 Steph // Apr 3, 2008 at 1:49 pm
d - It was for EVERYONE in my life right now. And dude, for nonsmokers, it’s hard to know what it’s like. It’s hard to know what’s cool and what’s not. If you’re not a junkie, how do you know about withdrawals, y’know?
3 Loren // Apr 3, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Honey-
You said it. My husband smoked for over 20 years and now he has been tobacco-free for 2 years (after quitting many times) and has absolutely no cravings. I told him one day about the research that was just done on quitting on a whim…that it works. No pscyching yourself out with all the planning. He smoked a pack a day and it was always a joke amongst his friends about him smoking (which, of course, wasn’t the LEAST funny to me).
Keep trying. Don’t give up. This is a hump in the road. A big hump that has a HUGE return. Think of that craving & smokes as your enemy.
4 Steph // Apr 3, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Loren - Huh. I was thinking my biggest problem was not enough planning. I don’t have anything that “replaces” the smokes, so I sit and obsess over the fact that I AM NOT SMOKING!! Now I’m wondering if my approach isn’t all wrong here.
5 Krystie Lee // Apr 3, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Hang in there, the pain will subside! I smoked a pack a day for 12 years, quit 3.5 years ago. I found the website quitnet.com very helpful.
6 Steph // Apr 3, 2008 at 8:25 pm
Krystie Lee - Thanks for that site! I will for sure be checking it furiously, along with my 34985749385 other websites. One thing I keep reading is that I have to come up with multiple strategies to make this quit stick.
And CONGRATS! 3.5 years is awesome and very, very inspiring. :) (Please tell me you rarely even think about it now.)
7 Krystie Lee // Apr 3, 2008 at 9:43 pm
I never think about it. ZERO temptation. The first 10 days were hell. After that, you can manage it. After a month, piece of cake.
I wanted to quit before we tried to get pregnant. I remember feeling like I would need in-patient treatment to quit, I was so addicted! I loved smoking and was a total nicotine junkie.
If you do sign up with quitnet, my user name is Krystie. I kept a little journal on my profile of what it was like at 3 days, 10 days, 30 days, etc.
I used a few pieces of nicotine gum, it worked for me. I also found spicy cinnamon gum or spicy tea would give that little kick in your throat that can help with a craving. Be good to yourself! Pamper yourself with some nice candles/lotions/teas, things that are nice for your senses.
I’m pulling for ya!!
8 Steph // Apr 3, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Krystie Lee - Okay, so what got you through the first ten days? Yes, I freely admit, I’m picking the brains of every former smoker I meet. Because I’m an obsessive-compulsive, I need about 592 things to think about besides the fact that I AM NOT SMOKING!! That? Has probably been the worst. Like everyone says, “Wait five minutes, and the craving will pass.” That only applies if you’re, you know, NORMAL and don’t obsess over things. :grin:
9 Robbi // Apr 4, 2008 at 9:26 am
I think I’ve told you at my one failed attempt to *start smoking, which failed miserably, so I honestly don’t have any idea what you’re going through. I will say, though, that I totally support you, and if you need to vent or scream or whatever, I’m here. I’m glad you made this decision, and I’m wishing you all the very best!
10 Steph // Apr 4, 2008 at 10:42 am
Robbi - Luckily, I have bill collectors calling. So all of my rage has an appropriate outlet. :D
11 Noel // Apr 7, 2008 at 9:28 pm
You’re way hotter, and you smell good. ::nods:: ;)
12 Steph // Apr 7, 2008 at 9:42 pm
Noel - you’re about to recant. I’m about to vlog with hair dye on my head. Because I love D *that much. LOL.