So last night I wrote the post about my weight. I hadn’t read about the contest at Jennsylvania or my post might have gone a completely different direction. Since I didn’t, though, I have something to post today. (Are you as happy about this as I am? I hope so.)
I want you to look at this face. Take a good long look at it, please.
Now think about this. Right now, that girl has no idea that her thighs are chubby, and even if she did, she wouldn’t care. Right now, that girl doesn’t mind being seen naked. She doesn’t realize that her tummy isn’t perfectly toned and flat, and even if she did, she wouldn’t care. Right now, no one is telling her that to be valid as a human being, she must lose weight and look like the girls on TV and in magazines and everywhere else we see what we’re told are beautiful women. Right now, Tricia is perfectly content with her body. It does everything it is supposed to do when it is supposed to do it, and that is enough. Tricia takes care of her needs without any thought about the matter at all. She moves because she wants to move. She eats because she is hungry.
This tiny little girl hasn’t yet learned that food is comfort or that exercise is no fun. She hasn’t learned to not let people tickle her belly because they might notice she’s got some pudge there. She hasn’t learned that she should be self-conscious when she tries new things because she might not be so good at them right away. She hasn’t learned that falling down is embarrassing. She hasn’t learned that there are a million and two things to pick apart about herself and others.
Give her a few years, though, and she’ll learn that not only is her body not good enough for her, it’s not good enough for other people, either. She’ll learn that food can be a friend who doesn’t make fun of you or abandon you or say things like “You have such a pretty face…”. She’ll learn that as hard as she might kick her own ass, there will be other people waiting to kick her down even more. She’ll learn that thinner is better, and she’ll forever strive to some unreachable ideal. She’ll learn to hate herself for not being perfect, and she’ll learn to lessen that self-hatred by hurting other people, other women especially.
That is, unless I do something to prevent those lessons. Unless I become an example for her. An example of how to be loving and charitable to others. An example of how to find a sense of self-worth that doesn’t depend on external validation. An example of how to be comfortable in one’s own skin, if you will. So, my friends, I’m going to become that example. For her, for Lenna, for me.
It is time that we, as women (sorry, guys), stop beating the crap out of ourselves and each other. It is time that we stop teaching our daughters to beat the crap out of themselves and other women. It is time that we teach our girls that they are beautiful people, regardless of what the entertainment industry says. But first, I think we’ve got to learn this lesson ourselves.
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4 responses so far ↓
1 d // Mar 18, 2008 at 7:55 pm
That was awesome! For reals. I don’t even have words. All of it is so true. None of that stuff is in her brain right now and lets try to keep it that way.
Remind her that that girl with perfect thighs in that ad has been severely airbrushed and that even actresses have cellulite. Who the fuck cares.
The goal to keep in mind is stay healthy. When Lorna asks me why I exercise I tell her “Because it’s good for my body. It makes my heart feel better and my muscles strong, which help support my bones.”
I never bring up “because I want a flat tummy.”
Keep it all about health.
2 Missy // Mar 18, 2008 at 8:10 pm
How effing true is this. I don’t know how many times I’ve shunned someones touch because I’m afraid they’ll think I’m fat. How many times I’ve wriggled away from Ged because I feel like a cow. This post truly touched me and made me think about everything I’m missing by waiting “until I lose some weight”. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off you snuggle with my fiance (and let him touch my backfat without squirming).
3 Missy // Mar 18, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Off to snuggle. Obvs. Not you snuggle lolz. I suck at the interwebs.
4 Steph // Mar 18, 2008 at 9:40 pm
d - Thanks. Reading what some of those women wrote for their contest entries really got me thinking today. There was one in particular that got me PISSED. She said that her “reward” to herself for losing 30 lbs. was going to be new boobs. Not my thing, but okay. She THEN said she was going to wear a bikini to the beach and find the “largest woman there” and plop down next to her and sunbathe. WTF? Really…WTF?
But we all do it, to some extent. I can’t tell you how often I’ve looked at someone and thought, “Well, at least I have better :insert whatever physical feature of mine is better, IMO, here: than hers.” I want to quit that shit. I don’t want my girls to ever learn to do that shit.
Missy - Don’t put it off, dude. Ged doesn’t care, I promise. Cary at List of the Day said once that boys like milkshakes, and a big milkshake is better than a small one. I love that guy.