Okay, I get that we all want our kids to feel good about participating in an activity. I get that we all want our children to feel validated and worthwhile. I want that for my kids just like everyone else does, and I do my best to ensure that they know that they’re valid and valued and worthwhile human beings simply because they’re here, no effort required.
BUT.
I also don’t give them compliments that are undeserved. I think for so long we’ve been taught that self-esteem is the be-all, end-all for all things with kids that we’ve lost sight of the fact that kids aren’t stupid. They know when someone’s being insincere. They know when their effort hasn’t been ZOMG! THE BEST JOB EVAR! They also know that putting in time and effort on something should, theoretically at least, get them more than someone who doesn’t put in any time or effort on that same thing, provided that all other factors are equal.
Right now, you’re probably asking yourself what kind of mother I am. I’ll answer as honestly as I can — I’m a mother who offers compliments when a kid does well, help when a kid’s not doing so great. They’ve learned, simply put, that Momm-ay isn’t going to feed them a line of crap. I’m here to support them, in good or bad. Sometimes, I screw up. Sometimes, I don’t. Thankfully, mothering isn’t a competitive sport (despite the Mommy Wars), or I’d have lost long ago, I’m sure.
What brings all this up, you ask? The awards ceremony for cheerleading was held today. Everyone got a trophy and a certificate. Frankly, I found the idea a little…I don’t know. I found it a little condescending, I guess. First, let’s be real - cheerleading has become a sport in and of itself. Now I’m not looking for the coaches to start judging actual cheering skills just yet - these are little kids.
However, I wouldn’t beef about it, if they did choose to start judging skills. I’m pretty realistic about things - every kid isn’t good at every activity, no matter how much sunshine we blow up their asses about how they can do whatever they set their little minds to do. Face it - Shaquille O’Neal ain’t ever gonna be a jockey, no matter how much he wants it or how hard he works at it. By the same token, Jorge Chavez is never going to slam dunk a basketball in an NBA playoff. We each have our gifts, and the sooner we recognize that, the better off we are, I think.
At any rate, I think it would have been completely appropriate to judge who was putting forth effort and who wasn’t because, frankly, my friends, I saw girls who were there because they wanted to be there, and I saw girls who were there because their mamas wanted them to be there. There was a significant difference in effort and attitude, in my opinion, so I think it was utter horsepoop that every girl got the same trophy. Lenna also thought this was horsepoop. When asked if she was proud of her trophy, she responded simply, “No. Everyone got the same one.”
I’m sure right now you’re thinking we’re pushing these kids to be competitive little rats, and that isn’t the case. We do push them put forth their best effort in anything they do. Lenna takes this to heart, and while I find her drive to compete a bit mysterious, I’m also proud of her for pushing herself.
Now that you’re firing up the old e-mail programs to send me hate mail, I’ll distract you with pictures from the ceremony.
Tags: cheerleading · Lenna · parentingComments
