It’s so random, it could pick lottery numbers.

This post, I mean. I have several things that have been on my mind for a bit, but I just haven’t had time to get these ideas posted. Oh, fine. I’ve been too ADD to actually remember to post about them. Just once, I wish you’d let me make it with an excuse that doesn’t make me sound like a tool.

At any rate, first up — contests. I love you guys. I love to give you guys stuff. However, I suck at remembering birthdays. When I do remember them, it’s generally just in time for an e-card or online gift certificate…presuming I remember to go and send the e-card or GC once I’ve remembered the birthday. ADD, it is a curse. Hence, the idea of contests. A chance to give back to the people who make my life a shinier, happier, prettier place to be.

My very first contest, as I’m sure you’ll all recall, was a contest to come up with a contest. Lisa won that one with her “What the Heck is THAT” idea. It was a good idea. I thought so then; I think so now. However, my execution of Lisa’s idea apparently does not appeal to the vast majority of you. That or you think my cheap-o prizes suck donkey balls. I hope it’s the first one ’cause I’m not giving away my camera like a crazy woman.

At any rate, I’m coming to you guys now in hopes that you will ride to my rescue on this and give me more contest ideas. I won’t give up my “What the Heck Is THAT” contests altogether, but maybe it won’t be the only type of contest held around here. I don’t know — what do you guys think?

In the same vein, I want to start an “Ask Lenna” feature because my middle little rat is the absolute shit. That kid is amazing and wonderful and kooky and moody and…well, she’s my mini-me. It’s natural that she’s my favorite kid. Fine. She’s my favorite seven year old kid. (You’re really starting to yank my chain a little on this white lie thing.) At any rate, sometimes, the kid is wise beyond her years, and her answers would be funny because it’s jarring to hear a seven year old coming up with something an 85 year old who was a call girl during WWII might say. Other times, she’s just a regular seven year old, and hearing kids tackle adult issues is generally pretty cute and/or funny. (And by “adult issues”, I most definitely do not mean “How do I put the spark back into my sex life?” or anything like that. I was thinking stuff like, “My roommate won’t pay the bills. What do I do?” type stuff.)

So, I need some questions to actually “Ask Lenna”. I know you guys have stuff you want to ask her. I mean, the kids lives with me. Now is the time when you can find out what it’s really like to have me as a mom. But please, don’t mention the play kitchen deal, okay?

I thought about using old questions from “Dear Abby” or “Ask Ann Landers”, but then I sort of worried about eensy little problems like plagiarism and copyright infringement. Lisa assured me that I’m too small-time to worry about anyone finding out, and Jean informed me that Ann Landers is dead (which I knew) and Abby is senile (which I had not known). So I might still go with that whole “borrowing” idea I had. Ethics, schmethics…this is a blog feature — it’s a cutthroat gig here.

Oh, and just because I can, some photos of the kid you’ll be asking…