…when I started blogging, I had a purpose for doing so. Way back in 2004, if you can even remember so long ago, you whippersnappers, when I was introduced to blogging by my little sister, I thought blogging was the neatest thing ever. I had at last found a forum for my thoughts that didn’t intrude on anyone else via their e-mail or telephone or anything else. If they didn’t want to see my navel-gazing, they didn’t have to read my blog. Maybe you think I’m being a little hard on myself by calling it navel-gazing, but frankly, that’s what it was. (And sometimes still is.)
But I had a purpose…or at least a topic I wanted to blog about fairly often. At the time I started blogging, I was on a spiritual quest. I’d discovered that I wasn’t Christian in any traditional sense of the word*, and I was exploring other religions. I wanted a place where I could share my thoughts about this exploration without worrying that I was boring anyone. After all, it was my blog; no one had to read my tripe.
But along the way, I lost not only my purpose in blogging, I lost sight of some things I believed about myself and some things I wanted to make true about myself. What happened? I got readers. I got fans. I got people who came and actually MADE COMMENTS on what I’d posted. Be still, my black and tarry heart. Oh, make no mistake — I was no OMSH. I was no SAJ. I was merely “quirkyblogger”, no fancy acronym for me as I didn’t have enough fans to require shorthand. But I had a few fans, and they’ve been loyal, bless their hearts. (Hi, my beloved Bulgarians!! I still love you, even if you never do refer to me as QB.)
DIGRESSING! Anyway, when I realized I had readers, I became self-conscious. I stopped writing for me and started writing for the readers. Gone were the days when I shamelessly posted about my own spiritual struggles. Gone were the days when I wrote something goofy and dorky and ridiculous simply because I could. I had readers, and I’d better, by God, keep them happy, else they’d cut and run. Even back in the olden days when I had a simple, not very shiny but totally adequate LiveJournal, the blogosphere was vast and growing like crazy, and I just knew my readers could be lured away by some shinier, funnier, prettier blogger. O me of little faith in myself or my beloved readers.
So, I’m going to try to go back to my original intent in blogging — sharing my hopes and dreams and discoveries and failures and whatever else might come at me. Oh, stop fretting, fans of my little rats — there will still be plenty of kid stories and updates and Wednesdays with Tricia (possibly even a new feature called Ask Lenna). It’s just that I’ve decided to go back to this blog’s roots and maybe find myself while I’m doing it.
So stick around. This just might get interesting after all.
*Before anyone attempts to “save” me — I acknowledge that Jesus Christ was the Son of God. I believe He was sent to redeem sin and conquer death. Where I get hung up is the Christian definition of God and the idea that there’s only one way to God. But that’s another post for another day. All I’m doing here is (hopefully) preventing anyone from feeling the need to let me know that I’m going to burn in Hell.
