Or maybe it’s just my peabrain that’s chewing on this. I’m easily amused. (Great. Now I’ll hear “All Apologies” in my head all day. Fan-frickin’-tastic.)
I digress. As usual. I was sort of wandering around cre8buzz (I prefer saying that to “internet stalking the people I like”, but really? po-tay-to, po-tah-to, in this case), and I noticed something. The Moms’ community has 274 members. The Women’s community has 125 members. (I just checked both of them a few minutes ago. God knows it could’ve changed since my last check.) This got me to wondering about the disparity in numbers.
I mean, I’ve been female far longer than I’ve been a mom, although I don’t know that I’d say I’ve been a *woman for much longer than I’ve been a mom. My oldest boy came along when I was a dewy-eyed 20 year old with more dreams than sense. (Or ambition, but that’s aside from the point.) Yet it never even occurred to me to join the women’s community.
For me, it was sort of eye-opening to realize that I define myself as a mom now. My identity isn’t “Steph” anymore. In my own head, I’m “mom to Matt, Lenna and Tricia”.
My gut reaction to this idea that I’m not “Steph” anymore was to immediately list all the things I do that do not involve my children. That lasted for 3.7 seconds…or the time it took me to realize there is no longer one thing I do that doesn’t involve them in some way.
Photography? Newp — they’re generally my subjects. Blogging? See previous answer. Exercise? Negatory on that one, too, as a big motivator for me is my desire to live long enough to see my grandchildren. Okay, work? Work will be where I leave them behind. Uh uh, my friends, I work for money for a better life for my little rats. Now do I do those things solely for them? Of course not, but they’re still a part of it.
A big part of me wants to know when and why this happened and then to correct it immediately. But a bigger part of me is screaming about how selfish that is and how I’m a bad mom for even thinking about having any kind of life outside of being “Momm-ay”.
So, I’m sitting here now wondering how to find a happy medium. I firmly believe that parenting is my most important gig. Period. But at the same time, I know that I don’t have to lose myself in motherhood to be a good mom.
What’s a woman to do?
***I posted this over at cre8buzz, and I liked it enough to post it here, too. So references to the communities are references to cre8buzz Moms and cre8buzz Women. By the way, if you haven’t joined yet, go. Go now. It’s awesome. The communities are still small enough that you can get to know people without drama. It’s like MySpace or Facebook, I guess, except you can actually meet cool new people who share the same interests.
Tags: blogging · Internet · motherhood · parentingComments
