Now, let me preface all of this by saying that I’m not interested in judging other people’s parenting normally, presuming they’re not abusing or neglecting their kids. Except. I do judge some things. Oh, I’m not saying anyone who does things differently than I did/do them is wrong, but there are some things that make me cringe to read/hear.
I get newsletters from various websites re: Tricia’s current stage of development. I signed up for these things when I was pregnant, and when I had her, I gave them her birthdate and haven’t really thought much about it since. Occasionally, an article will look interesting to me, so I’ll go read. Today, I saw a link for getting baby to sleep through the night. This interested me because Tricia’s had a few nights of waking up around 3 or 4 am, and I was wondering if she was in a growth spurt, if this was a normal thing for her age, etc. So I clicked.
I was sorry for that about ten seconds into reading, as it was mostly posts from parents who are apparently totally clueless. Yes, I’m judging them based on a snippet they wrote on a website. Frankly, anyone who thinks that letting a newborn cry it out is a good idea is ignorant. Dr. Ferber, the guy who came up with this, recommends waiting until the infant is at least four months old to use his method. I mean, COME ON. A newborn wakes through the night because his/her tiny little tummy can’t hold enough food to keep them satisfied all night long. (Even Tricia the Wonderful didn’t sleep through until she was a couple of months old, and that kid is the easiest baby ever.) The kid isn’t waking up simply to be a pain in the ass to his/her parents, I promise.
Now some parents think the solution to that whole “getting hungry in the night” thing is to feed the kid a little cereal before bed. More ignorance in action. And that’s not just my opinion — that’s the AAP’s opinion, too, even if they’re nicer about how they say it. Now here’s where I admit to letting my kids have solids at four months. But I’ll also admit it was ignorance on my part — I was told by several pediatricians that starting solids at four months was okay. Once I learned better, I did better.
And I think that’s what I’m judging here — not the mistakes people make as parents, but the fact that the parents in question don’t ever bother to research what they’re doing to know that they’re making mistakes. I don’t understand how people will agonize over which car to buy, spending time checking out what’s out there, specs on various cars or whatever, but then approach parenting like it’s not the most important thing they’ll ever do.
Yeah, I said it — once you have a kid that you decide to raise, you have taken on a job that is more important than anything else you’ll ever do. Please don’t misunderstand — I’m not denigrating the many, many other things parents do. I’m not saying a parent’s sole occupation should be parenting. I’m not saying you should put up your tap shoes or your typewriter or your easel so you can raise your kids. I’m a firm believer in what my happy little icon says. But I’m saying that your dancing or your writing or your art is never going to be as important as your parenting.
Now that’s just my own personal opinion. I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who disagree with me. I’m equally sure I’ll hear all about it. Frankly, unless you’ve come up with something that saves the planet, I’m going to stick to my guns here. Flame away.
