It’s not just a DMB song anymore, kids. Lately, it’s been a question I’ve been asking myself quite a bit. Oh, I know, I know — it’s a question I should’ve been asking myself at 24, not 34. But as with many other things, I’ve slacked a little
lot on this, too. In my own defense, it’s pretty hard to slow your life down long enough to figure out where it’s going once you’ve got kids and a husband and work and whatever else I’ve got going on these days.
But lately, I’ve been asking myself what I want to be when I grow up. (This is assuming I ever grow up. That’s a fairly big assumption, if you ask me.) And not just what I want to be, but who I want to be. (Whom?) I’m pretty okay with my life and myself, for the most part, but there are surely some things that need a wee bit of fine tuning. My weight is a good example. (If you’re interested, I’ve been posting about that over at SparkPeople.com. My user name is StephMsDiva, natch. Or you can click that link over to the right under the “weight loss” heading. See it? Yeah, that’s the one. G’head. Click it, you know you wanna.)
Digress, digress, digress. Sheesh. Anyway, there are other things I’m working on, too, that I don’t care to share in a public form. Oh, stop gaping and guffawing already. There are many some a few things I keep to myself…or at least keep out of public view. But again, I digress.
One of the things I’ve been working on is performing RAOK. No ulterior motive, no hope of repayment in any form…just doing nice things for people because I can, because I want to. And I’ve discovered something I’d never have suspected about myself — I actually like helping others. I really do enjoy little acts of service here and there. They make my black and tarry heart just a little less black and tarry, even if it’s only for a moment.
But another thing I discovered about myself that I’m not so surprised by — I don’t like doing things for people because they expect it from me. I’m not talking about my kids expecting me to feed them or anything of that nature. (Although, really, it’s lucky they don’t have to go on “Survivor” as they suck at foraging.) I’m talking about doing nice things for people who are incapable of saying “thank you” because they genuinely believe they have some claim on my time, effort, kindness, whatever. I’m working very, very hard on not being one of those people, although I think poor Bill can tell you that I fail more often than I succeed.
And with that, I’ll go. I have some thanking to go do.
Tags: family · friends · positive thoughts · rant · relationships · snarkComments
