So. My biggest little rats are gone. They’ve been gone for a while now. (It’s been exactly two weeks now. Not that I’m counting or anything.) And as I do every year, I’m starting to really miss those little rats.

Oh, sure for the first week, I’m nearly giddy with the thoughts of all the things I can do now that those little rats are gone, but after that? I’m a big pile of “I WANT MY KIDS BACK HOME NOW!!”

This year, it’s been a little less intense since I’ve used the time Matt and Lenna have been gone to seriously focus on my littlest rat. It’s not a tough job, I have to admit. And she is more than happy to reward my time and effort with big, open-mouthed kisses. (Which totally grosses Bill out, but hey, no one’s asking him to kiss them, are they? HA!)

Anyway, I was talking about Tricia with D today, and I said something that I thought I probably ought to chronicle for posterity’s sake. This kid can smile. (Except when she sees a camera. The moment she sees the big, black thing eat Momm-ay’s face, she’s all done with the grin-making.)

And it’s not just the great big, full-on, open-mouth grin of pure happiness that makes it so fabulous (although that alone can make me forget that she has terrible nursing manners sometimes); it’s also the way she smiles with her entire body.

It starts with her eyes lighting up, then out comes the big, heart-melting, brain-smooshing grin, then her arms and legs pull into her body like the gravity of her happiness is making her collapse in on herself. Beautiful. Just beautiful. There’s nothing like it in the world. Nothing.

I will tell you, moments like that make every little bit of sleep I’ve lost, every poo episode (and oh God, I forgot to post about the latest one!!), every moment of “Please, God, help me keep on nursing even though I WANT MY BODY BACK” just disappear. Really and truly, they just seem to vanish…at least for a little while.

So while I really, really miss my big little rats, my littlest little rat is helping to ease the pain. (Remind me to tell you about the latest poo episode another time. It was a doozy.)