So, ok, here’s the thing… I have been trying for awhile now to escape this black hole! Don’t get me wrong, it was very cozy here at first. I was just sitting here holding up these two marvelous ovaries, and they were absolute beauties, then out of nowhere, the damned things turned on me and began to ovulate. Say whu? All of a sudden, I was responsible for getting rid of their waste products! I am *so not a garbage disposal. But, that was only every 28 days, so what the hell, I dealt with it, after all, they were part of me, my best friends really.
We were doing fine in our cozy home when I noticed a spot on my wall and it started growing! No matter how hard I tried, I could not get rid of it! Soon, the Girls and I were squished and kicked and seriously maimed by this invasion! It became unbearable and just as we were about to rebel, the, the *thing was evicted! YES! Victory! We soon returned to our happy home, though I noticed a slight shifting in the foundation. Little was I to know that soon after this, once again, a spot on the wall would invade us and another alien would be produced. It is truly amazing what I have had to deal with.
For years after this, we settled in with a few tremors from earthquakes, disposal of waste, and a lot of noise from the neighborhood. I am still unsure of the culprits; I was never formally introduced, but I heard the names Matt and Lenna very often. Apparently these two were very important to the neighbors. Anger, tears, laughing, joy, it was all heard from our safe cocoon, but we never wanted to venture out to see it for ourselves.
One day, the spot came back!!!! It was scary this time, things were slipping and falling off the walls, and the neighbors often spoke of “Peppy”. We had never experienced this before and Hurricane Peppy just tore through our home with ferociousness. That was it. I wanted to move out!
I started to pack up. The girls were helping, and we gave hell to the neighbors! We hacked up the ground and even put up a “For Sale” sign, but no one even came to check out the house! I can’t blame them. At this point, there was nothing left to see. Broken girl bits were all that was left of my best friends, and the frame of the house just sagged until I thought I saw sunlight a few times. (I much prefer the dark!) And who, who was this “Cooper” that was causing all the unwanted trouble for the neighbors??? The pressure was too much to bear. After that, I started to appreciate the light…it was much less cramped in the sunlight, and things didn’t sag. Even the Girls began to gravitate towards that happy place and suddenly, suddenly, I wanted to be free to bask in the light and maybe even get a tan!
Recently, our dream was realized, though I came to be aware that the Girls were holding me back. I said farewell to the Girls and took my bits on a new journey, and to a new home. No neighbors from hell, no earthquakes and no more waste! HALLELUJAH!
I am currently taking my very own, “Tour of Freedom”. Its a seminar on how to leave your baggage behind and move into the light! And lastly, this particular article, (my first one really, Isn’t it exciting??) should be titled, “Goodbye *From Norma Jean”, cause honey, I am moving on!
See you on the flip side..
Norma Jean
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