If we use a very loose definition of “frequently,” the title of this post is completely appropriate, so you hush.

Is that really you in your profile picture?
Yup. I’m the world’s smartest golden retriever. I sneak on at night when my owners are sleeping and post away. Sometimes, they notice the keys are all wet from my nose, but they’re convinced it’s that bulimic cat doing something gross.

In other words, no. That’s a picture of my dog.

How long have you and Bill been married?
It depends on my mood. Sometimes, not long at all; other times, we’ve been married entirely too long already. In not-mood-dependent time, we’ve been married for four+ years.

On a related note, I’m pretty sure people all over the country lost money on our first anniversary, due to unfortunate bets involving phrases like “it won’t last a year even.” I happen to think some of the folks who made those statements continue to bet (and lose) with each year we stay together (like, “Well, it won’t last *another year”), and I freely admit that’s part of what motivates me to stay with Bill despite poo episodes.

How pissed will Matt, Lenna and Tricia be when/if they find this blog?
I’m guessing it all depends on how they find it. If they trip across it on the interwebs for themselves, they’ll probably come directly home, hack my Blogger account and delete away. If they find out because kids at school are mercilessly teasing them about laundry baskets, play kitchens and whapping themselves in the face, they’ll be pretty pissed, and then they’ll come home, hack my blog account, delete embarrassing entries about them and post some stuff I’d prefer the world never know.

Why do you call your neighborhood “Stepford”?
Because it’s a picture-perfect neighborhood, complete with women who manage to cook, clean, raise kids and get dressed (including hair & makeup). All in one day. Every day. Since I’m lucky to manage any two of those things in one day, once a week, I snark about Stepford to compensate for my own feelings of inferiority.

Also, they cook for and clean up after “Men’s Night Out”!! How June Cleaver is that?!

When are you going to give up this Blogger insanity and come back to your LJ?
The Magic 8-Ball says, “Reply hazy. Try again later.” So. There you go. Until the Magic 8-Ball gives a clearer answer, I got nothin’.