Although I did know you, and you did not have the grace to hold yourself while those around you crawled, I will miss you, Oh Uterus o’ Mine. Well, no, not really. I mean, thanks for nurturing and housing my three beautiful young’uns. I appreciate that a whole lot, truly. You did a good job with them, and I’m more grateful than words can say.

But I can’t say I’m going to miss anything else you did for me. I mean, think it over — the ovaries really did all the work there. You just hung out and did your job…and that only part of the time. I mean, you did manage to lose four of my seven pregnancies. Okay, one of those doesn’t count since it wasn’t actually your choice to end that pregnancy. But still — you’re not going to win any awards for that kind of job performance, old girl. It’s most definitely not the way to keep one’s job.

And the whole period thing? I know that’s not technically all you, but well, you’re the one who cramps and expels blood, so I pretty much see it as your fault. And with your impending departure, those suckers will go away. Always Overnights (with WINGS even!!) will be a thing of the past in this house, at least for a few more years.

So, come June 25th, you and I will part company permanently. Goodbye, Norma Jean. And good riddance.