Lenna’s friend, Zoe, is staying the night with us. Zoe is a polite kid, and Lenna loves her. Plus, this kid leaves the *greatest voicemails. (Someday, I’ll figure out how to upload them so I can share ‘em.) So, it’s all good.
…until I hear the words, “What? Look at my butt!” coming from Lenna’s room. Bill says, “Did they just say ‘look at my butt’?” Oh, honey, yes. Yes, they did. So, I head upstairs, hoping and praying that Matthew’s butt isn’t involved here at all. Not that I’m hoping Lenna or Zoe are involved in the butt conversation, either, I guess.
So anyway, I check, and Matt’s in his room sleeping. Thank you, Jesus and Zeus and Krishna and every other god I can think of for the fact that I don’t have to explain to Zoe’s mom why Zoe saw Matthew’s naked butt. Thank you, thank you, thank you. (PS — Dear Whoever’s In Charge, Please make sure she doesn’t see it tomorrow, either, when Mr. I Don’t Need No Steenkeen’ Towel gets out of the shower and goes to his room. Amen.)
I go in Lenna’s room and see that the closet door is open and the light in there is on. I again hear, “What? Look at my butt!” Whatever is going on in there is bad, very, very bad. I just know it.
Now being all sneaky like I am, I creep in with catlike stealth to peek into the closet. Alright, fine. I didn’t lumber in like an elephant, and that was good enough for me so it oughtta be good enough for you, dammit. And just *once, could you pretend you believe me when I’m so obviously lying?
ANYway, I peep into the closet, and what to my wondering eyes should appear but Lenna’s butt. Her *naked butt. She and Zoe are taking turns mooning each other. Why, you ask? No one knows. I’d ask Mr. Owl, but he chomps on things he’s asked to investigate.
Just as Lenna is pulling up her pants, she turns around and sees me. And her mouth formed a perfect little O of surprise. (I’d never seen one of those. I’d only read about them. So that part was pretty neat.)
Zoe does *not see me however and proceeds to take her turn, and she is, of course, saying, “What? Look at my butt!” while remaining completely oblivious to Lenna’s “ix-nay on the ooty-bay” gesturing.
I hope Zoe’s mom lets her stay over more often. I can’t make up stuff this good.
Tags: funny kid stories · Lenna · parentingComments
