So, the job I’m doing is legal transcription. I’ve done it before, but it’s been a while. I was a little scared to take it on again because…well, I was afraid I’d suck at it. I was afraid I’d forgotten everything I’d ever known. And that I wouldn’t be able to understand the miscellaneous speakers which had been a concern the first time I was doing it because people in a courtroom are all sucking on marbles. Of crack. That’s the only explanation I’ve come up with as to why these motherfuckers are mostly inaudible and when they’re audible, they’re almost incoherent.
Except judges. Judges have a mic, like, implanted near their vocal chords or something ’cause you can always hear those dudes (and every so often, chicks). Plus, they must have to take elocution classes to be judges ’cause it’s a rare judge I can’t understand. And unlike the rest of the folks in the courtroom, the judge can be a t-total sarcastic asshole without fear of any pesky “contempt of court” bullshit because he (or she), yanno, IS the Court. And that’s how you have to refer to them in court. You don’t just type, “Well, your honor…” or “If it please the court…” No. Those motherfuckers get capital letters. Your Honor and the Court, and if I were a judge, I’d be all about “Your Honor, the Esteemed,” but that’s probably one reason (of many) that I’d never get to be a judge. Another reason? I’m pretty sure “OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!” at a sentencing hearing would be funny only to me. And maybe the DA involved.
ANYWAY.
My point in all of this (if I ever had a point which is, yanno, UNLIKELY) is that I’m back to work and loving it. I’d forgotten how much I loved doing this actually. Wait. No. That wasn’t my point. I think my point was that I’m working and still finding time to get online. Or maybe it was that I hope CPS/DHS doesn’t come to check on the kids because I’m 99.9% sure that corralling them into the family room and throwing Cheez-Its and KoolAid at them periodically wouldn’t be a state-approved way of rearing children.
Shit. I don’t think I had a point after all. FML.
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